I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
