I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
