Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
