wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
