Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
