Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
