How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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