is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
either way he was missing a nipple.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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