no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
