Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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