the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
