come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
