I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
