Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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