I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
