I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
