I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
