Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(805): View more from California

Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.

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(815): View more from Illinois

I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.

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(707): View more from California

He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".

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(815): View more from Illinois

I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.

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(469): View more from Texas

I can feel my moral fiber fraying.

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(530): View more from California

Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.

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(614): View more from Ohio

Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.

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(519): View more from Ontario

Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"

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