So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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