Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
