I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize
