The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
