and my herpes radar will keep us safe
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
birth control should be required to get into college
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
