sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
