If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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