Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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