Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Randomize
