god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
