if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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