Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
