I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
