i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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