Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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