I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
