god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
