I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
