apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
