I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
