i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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