He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
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