Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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