Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
