why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
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