If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
