Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
