If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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