I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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