Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
