she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
