Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
